Rumi: "The wound is the place where the Light enters you."New Years is the time that many of us attempt to fix what appears to be broken in our lives. But what if the problem was deeper than it appeared? And what if that problem wasn't a problem at all, but a solution in disguise? What if, like the broken bat, it couldn't be put back together. What then is it meant to be? I wrote a poem this month about my personal struggle with brokenness.
I am broken. Well, how do you know? I feel estranged wherever I go. From what? From me, a part of myself. Like some place long forgotten, with priceless wealth. That’s just your ego being smart, it tricks us sometimes. My ego, is there some other part of me to find? Who’s asking that question, I couldn’t quite tell? It’s the me that feels like it’s under a spell. So, let me ask another way, how can I be whole? Seek pleasure in money, silver and gold. Yes, I’ve done that, but I’m more broken still. Material things fall apart, so now what shall I will? Literature, poetry, music, art In these pleasures is where you’ll find your heart. Ok, but I’ve read that and heard them, and I’m not sure why, I get a glimpse of myself, and I want to cry. That’s good, you see, you got it, that’s your broken heart. But I’m not back together, I’m still broken apart. I still feel helpless, can I do something else? Go to church and find God, get a hold of yourself. But how can I find God if my will is perverse. You got to get grace, before it gets worse. Well, how do I get grace? You must accept it. But how can I accept it if you said I’m selfish? Well then grace must be predestined. Some get it, some don’t. That can’t be, I can’t accept that, I won’t. Is there another way? You could kill your ego. Take a sword of righteousness and give it a go. Well, how do I do that? You must extinguish your desire. What’s left will be God, something higher. Well, I can’t kill desire if I must desire it to be gone. It’s just another desire for more desire to spawn. I guess you’re right, it’s true, you’re in quite a bind. Just act virtuously, and you’ll be fine. Don’t I need know of what virtue consists? Yes, but for that just let a wise guru assist. A priest, a pastor, a monk in long robes. Well, how on earth do I get one of those? Ask people you trust, maybe your parents, they’ll tell you. But don’t others suffer from selfishness too? Wouldn’t they feed their ego from telling me what to do? Yes, that’s true, so you must have faith. But what am I to believe in? Of course, what the holy books saith. Aren’t all those finite words up for debate? Not that I can tell, just do what they state. Didn’t we say we are flawed, and didn’t we write the books? No God wrote the books, it says it right there, look. Well let’s make believe God wrote the whole thing, at least two-thirds Even then we can’t know what we mean with these words. Like if I say I’m humble, I’m not, or if I admit I’m bad then I’m great, So, won’t imperfect translations be controlling my fate? Ok, well just trust in your senses and forget the rest. Don’t they always feed the ego with some virtuous quest? Isn’t that what could make a good man kill? If he thinks he’s doing it for some virtuous will? But it comes from a holy place and it will remove all your pain. What, the egoistic pursuit of spiritual gain? How is it different from material things, or is it the same? Because it seems like a prim and proper version of the ordinary game. Yes, but it’s intentionality, that’s the distinguishing quirk The spiritual gain does for the other, not your internal jerk. So, I get nothing from the virtuous work that I chase? Well, it makes it hard not to wipe the smirk off your face. You’ll feel good for your work, and that’s your reward. But aren’t we back to square one, my ego desperate for more? Aren’t I using the other, to make me feel better? Aren’t I building up acts, to pay my begetter? Can I try to help another without keeping a score? Can I do great work, without needing awards? This seems like the opposite of desiring, so maybe it’s right. Or is it my ego conspiring, to win the fight? Can I ever escape this contradictory roll? Maybe try to let go of the unbroken whole. Let go of completeness, let go, undivided. Live well in your weakness, and then you’ll be guided, To get solidarity in broken parts. Maybe brokenness is really what binds our hearts. How can this be so, it’s impossible really? Well has someone perfected this life, ideally? Maybe Jesus did, for the sake of example. Then I’d guess you’d agree that would make him ample To copy and listen to the way he explained it. Cause if there is one who did it, then he surely claimed it. So, what did he say when he was pushed and shaken? He said, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken?” The omnipotent God in humiliated form. The poor as the kings, the blessed mourn. The hungry as full, the thirsty content, By all this confusion, what could he have meant? That hidden deep within our Complete Beloved Is a thing we imagine, a thing that we covet It’s a wholeness, perfection, that’s simply not there A fallible soul, an unfinished prayer. It’s a universe mixed up just like us Where there’s always a conflict between love and lust Dark and light, clear and dust ... In conflict we’re blessed with freedom abound To dig into the brokenness, a deeper one found With breaks, a symptom, of profound despair Revealing the deeper truth lurking in there Without fear of judgement or devil spells Without crowns of heavens or trials of hells This communion of lack binds me to you Makes me thankful to say, I am broken too. If you enjoyed this new meditation on the deeper meaning of the game, you’ll love THE ART OF WAR AND BASEBALL!! Check it out here: www.theartofwarandbaseball.com
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AuthorI will be posting more baseball meditations here over time. Archives
December 2024
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