John D. Caputo: "The unconditional is not a power that compels, but an insistance that cannot be ignored, an appeal that beckons us beyond ourselves, a call to love that, once heard, changes everything."I found you in words explained to me clearly
I found you in the conceptions I made The idols I built in the factory of my mind In the heaven beyond the grave I found you as the cause, the maker of this I called you mine, With breath I gave I made you wholly exist Then Anslem taught, of one greater than thought Beyond conceiving, beyond what things I could find A light, a wind, a wave uncaught An absent, yet present divine Like a mystic, negation purified You lost all tangible meaning Left was nothing but what’s inside Enraptured in numinous screaming Mind saturated in absence, reframed understanding Transcended in a surplus of lack, demanding. You're nothing, but I can’t deny you’re with me This emptiness knows, it sets me free But could this be just perpetual illusion Like the deceit of men in spiritual union A magical trick, I ignorantly awed A counter experience in the ridding of God But to whom can I ask as I ravel like thread The anguish of choice, existential dread It can’t be for heaven if heaven a bribe Or to follow the lead of what other’s inscribed It must be my will, yet my will’s but effect Of the various cancers those same others inject How do I escape this alienation Antagonist angst, endless frustration If you are the one that we do not know Like a crack which breaks its way into the flow An unknowability, a constitutive lack The way to the depths I need to unpack The gap to which I unappealingly yield The voice that calls from out of left field
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AuthorI will be posting more baseball meditations here over time. Archives
December 2024
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